Listening at Jesus's feet

new blog announcment

2006-11-12T17:08:00.000+08:00

I will no longer be updating this blog anymore because I have moved to my

however, i will still be leaving this blog here. cos of the posts, pictures and my friends links that im not gonna bring over to the next blog. Only the tag board is the same.

This new blog is a BIG change from all the blogskins i have created cos it is actually COLOURFUL.

Oh Lord, forgive me...

2006-11-02T17:54:00.000+08:00

You never fail to answer my prayers, in ways i do not understand. and im not surprised that You chose to answer me this way again. The more practical way. Somehow, i felt as if You knew what was gonna happen. But i cant blame You, because I was the one who made the choice, and it wasnt as if You werent there with me. You were there all the time, but i shut my ears from Your voice. Why? Because You didnt tell me why. And once again i failed Your test on true obedience. I forgot my past lessons. I allowed myself to be put in harm s way, sin s way.
The guilt, the shame! It weighs my heart down. I could not bear to lift my head again. And the devil starts to ravage my thoughts and emotions. I wallowed in guilt, dazed and lost. I felt impure, wretched and degraded. I couldnt face Him, I have let Him down. I wanted to die then, i deserved to be burned at stake. I am a princess of Most High King...oh what have i done...i am disgraced! How dumb i was! What i fool i am! and i start cursing myself all over again...
He was disappointed. He was angry. He was sad. I know, I could feel it so strongly. That is why i was scared to face Him. But i still did anyway. I have to. He is still my heavenly Father. You cant run away from your Father. Anyway, He lectured me good.
And then...
He gave me peace...
He didnt make me forget it though. It serves as a reminder to me. I have to bear the memory of it. But He gave me peace...
And i guess, what really matters is that i have learnt something new...

[The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning] Lamentations 3:22-23

missmiss

2006-10-31T17:17:00.000+08:00

sigh...school is already over. Now its the exams mugging period. No more normal lessons. No more recess and lunches. will miss my classmates...esp Dhadha.

living in His word

2006-10-20T22:56:00.000+08:00

When i prayed, you answered me, and encouraged me by giving me the strenght i need
-Psalm 138:3

But the one right with God lives by faith. And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him.
-Hebrews 10:38

Be strong. Have strength of heart, and do it. Do not be afraid or troubled, for the Lord God, my God, is with you. He will not stop helping you. He will not leave you until all the work of the house of the Lord is finished.
-1 Chronicles 28:20

At one time you lived in darkness. Now you are living in the light that comes from the Lord. Live as children who have the light of the Lord in them.
-Ephesians 5:8

I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father.
-John 14:12

When I discovered your words, I devoured them. They are my joy and my heart’s delight, for I bear your name, O Lord God of Heaven’s Armies.
-Jeremiah 15:16

2006-10-08T22:42:00.000+08:00

Enough said

How can i say i love you
When i keep Your love for me
When i forgot to share Your love
My selfishness i could not see

Im sick of silly excuses
Just me being afraid thats all
If i do not preach the gospel
Im not a Christian at all

Lord You said You would guide me
And give me words to say
You promised to be with me
ever faithful You would stay

I dont need more persuation
and promises to be made
The fact that You have died for me
Is just enough said.

-Rosaline

Dance as Worship

2006-10-04T21:18:00.000+08:00

Dance as Worship

One beautiful expression of our worship to God is the use of dance. Ballet and other dance forms are a unique way to get your whole body involved in praising Him. We can use everything He has given us to give back to Him in our expressions of praise and worship. In Romans 12:1 we are instructed to offer our whole bodies as "living sacrifices" before God, and to make His glory the motive for anything we do with our bodies.

When Jesus explained to a Gentile woman that she didn't need to be in the temple at Jerusalem in order to worship God, he made it clear that worship is a spiritual act, not made up of rituals or restricted to one specific place. He gave us freedom to worship God without the rules the Jews had followed for so long. Because of this freedom, we can give God an offering that is pleasing to Him when we dance before Him with the sole motive of giving glory and adoration to Him.
Throughout the Bible worship and praise to the Lord are expressed through physical actions done with the body, such as bowing down, kneeling, and trembling with reverence for God. When we humbly come before God and give Him all that we have - in our bodies, our minds, and our hearts - this is the kind of worship God desires.

Our English translations of the Bible use the word "praise" to represent many different words in Hebrew, each with larger meanings than we may naturally think of when we hear the English word "praise."
For example, when Psalm 21:13 says "we will sing and praise Thy power," the word translated "praise" actually carries a meaning similar to "touch the strings," in reference to playing a stringed instrument in the Lord's honor.
And in 1 Peter 1:8 it says "though you do not see Him, yet believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory." The word translated "rejoice" in English means "to leap and jump for joy" in the Hebrew language.
For an even more dramatic meaning, the word translated "rejoice" in Psalm 118:24 - "This is the day that the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it" - literally means "to spin around with violent emotion."
And Psalm 113:1 says "Praise ye the Lord, praise o ye servants of the Lord, praise the name of the Lord." The Hebrew word used here means "to boast, to celebrate, to be clamorously foolish."

1188 center of it all

2006-10-02T22:45:00.000+08:00

Q: What is the shortest chapter in the Bible?
A: Psalms 117

Q: What is the longest chapter in the Bible?
A: Psalms 119

Q: Which chapter is in the center of the Bible?
A: Psalms 118

Fact: There are 594 chapters before Psalms 118
Fact: There are 594 chapters after Psalms 118
Add these numbers up and you get 1188.

Q: What is the center verse in the Bible?
A: Psalms 118:8

Q: Does this verse say something significant about God's perfect will for our lives?
A: Psalms 118:8 "It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man."
Now isn't that odd how this worked out (or was God in the center of it)?

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You are the centre of it all,
The universe declares in awe
Your majesty
I surrender all
I make you
The centre of my life
Lord, I respond with all I am
you placed in me the song
Of heavens melody
Your Majesty
I live to sing Your song

Precious stone

2006-10-01T19:10:00.000+08:00

Jesus takes me as I am
I can come no other way
Take me deeper into You
Make my flesh life melt away
Make me like a precious stone
Crystal clear and finely honed
Life of Jesus shining through
Giving glory back to You...

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The enemy whispered into my mind
Determined to wear me down
Alert in the Spirit I am not blind
My confession of faith has that enemy bound...

Free hugs campaign -> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4

Take my hand and walk Lord

2006-09-27T22:18:00.000+08:00

Strengthen me Lord, im not even a quarter through and already im growing weary.
You gave me a mind that thinks alot. But what i think is nonsensical, foolish and confusing to others. I do not think what they think i should think. And i think about what others dont think i should think. Thing is, often, i cant remember my thoughts. Why do i feel like my brain is like a messed up storage room? I subconciously hide the things i dont want to see. When i look for them, i cant remember. But when im not looking for my things, they just show up suddenly. Sounds like my room.
I dont like sharing my thoughts. It makes me feel vulnerable. But i feel i am obliged to. Accountable to everyone around me. Affects everyone around me. I used to be able to hide and control my emotions. What happened Lord? You dont want me to hide my emotions? But if i let them show, isnt it not controlling my emotions? I know, I know...i should hide and control the negative feelings. But is sadness, disappointment, being upset, negative? Depends on the situation? True...
Lord, why did You tear away my hard shell? oh, right, i asked You to do that didnt i. I dont know Lord. It leaves me so vulnerable. Which makes me depend and hide under Your wings even more. No, i dont regret that. It is better to be under Your wings than in my shell. Not to be negative, but i dont think im doing so well either... Im affecting people around me with my emotions.. Oh dear, im like complaining now arent i? Abit? I think is alot...sorry
Geez, i guess im just complaining coz the lessons are tough. How exactly did u make it through this world? Amazing. guess i just have to learn step by step to handle my emotions and feelings and thoughts. Nope, i dont want my past life. I dont want to look back. Its a dark mess back there. guess im just scared of the unknown.
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Take my Hand and walk where i lead
Keep your eyes on Me alone
Dont u say why were the old days better?
Just because you re scared of the unknown
So take My Hand and walk...
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Just when i want to hide all my emotions, He makes me write them all down and post public.

photos updates

2006-09-26T19:36:00.000+08:00

Its photos update time! To remember my days in Crescent. sigh. haha.
Today is -Lady in Me- Day! So we had to dress up in office wear.
This is Aisyah, she is Miss handsome guy =) . And thats Dharishni, my dear partner.

Me, Dha, Saufia and Mas!

And some pics from National Day! :)

Do i look round or what?

Yo,what ya looking at eh?

And finally, Racial Harmony Day

My dear Dha Dha :) so cute n pretty

The creation of Adam

2006-09-13T23:20:00.000+08:00

I suddenly find the painting The Creation of Adam by Michelangelo Buonarotti very interesting. In the painting, Adam is in a relaxed and laid back position with an arm and a finger pointed lazily towards God. And God seems to be in an uncomfortable position. In fact, God seems to be straining Himself, with His arms outstretched towards Adam.
God is nearer than we think He is. All we need to do it to lift a finger.
Throughout life on earth, men has been trying to seek God. But the fact is, every since God created Man, God has been trying to reach men. To talk to men, to share with men His plans, to confide in men. Yes! God does confide in men as well.
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Spiritual growth, in a sense, is simply increasing our capacity to experience the presence of God

I will be with you says the Lord

2006-09-13T22:06:00.000+08:00

The central promise in the Bible is not [I will forgive you], though of course the promise is there. Neither is it the promise of eternal life in heaven after death, although we are given that as well. The most frequent promise is [I will be with you]

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me
- Psalms 23:4

And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.
- Matthew 28:20

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God.
- Revelation 21:3

The following verses taken from [2 Kings 6:15-17], is an awesome story that tells us of God s power. It also serves as a reminder to us that we are not alone, because God and His mighty army of angels are with us always. Just because we cannot see with our eyes doesnt mean they are not there. Just as Elisha s servant s eyes were open, let your spiritual eyes be open and know that He that is in us is greater than he that is in the world. So we need not be afraid as He is with us.

When the servant of the man of God got up and went out early the next morning, an army with horses and chariots had surrounded the city.
"Oh, my lord, what shall we do?" the servant asked.
"Don't be afraid," the prophet answered. "Those who are with us are more than those who are
with them."
And Elisha prayed, "O LORD, open his eyes so he may see."
Then the LORD opened the servant's eyes, and he looked and saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha.

Many times when God actually talks to us, we are unaware that He is talking. It takes us awhile to realize that it is actually God who is talking to us. There are numerous ways that God uses to talk to us. Some are rather unimaginable. In the Old Testement, God spoke to Moses through a burning bush. In the New testement, God spoke through a donkey. God sure has a sense of humor. He just loves to see His people in shock. Lol.
Anyway, even in the Bible, Samuel, who became a great man of God, didnt know God was calling him, until Eli told him. This can be found in [1 Samuel 3]. And also [Luke 24:13-32] in which Jesus, who has already been resurrected, approached 2 of his disciples and talked with them. The 2 disciples didnt know it was Jesus until a long while later!

Lift it up to God

2006-09-09T23:40:00.000+08:00

Matthew 11:28 [Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.]

Lift it up to God.
Thats the phrase that many ppl constantly use to reply to someone who is facing a problem.
You may think that it is not as easy as it sounds, its not easy to just stop worrying, its not easy to just lift it up to God, its not easy to stop thinking about the problem.
Indeed you are right! It IS difficult. But, what exactly do you have in mind about : Lift it up to God?

Plainly just trusting God and putting Him in charge of the situation. Pray, and then listen. If God tells us what to do, praise God! If He doesnt, dont be disappointed, continue to pray, knowing and believing that God knows what He is doing. He is, after all, God.

Many times we find it hard to lift it up to God. And even as we pray, we still havent lifted it up to God. We as humans, esp Singaporeans, expect and want God to answer NOW, to turn the situation around NOW, and to give instructions NOW. And when God doesnt show up as you expect or wants Him to, you take the situation into your own hands. And when that happens, we end up as the wrecker. And then we get all angry and blame God for forsaking us, and for hiding Himself from us.

But, of course, there are many times in which God just simply choses to keep silent until the last moment, then He shows up. And it is in these situations that we learn just how much we really need God in everything we do.
Eg. [Exodus chpt 14] Moses did not know exactly what God would do. But he still trusted in God. And when the egyptians were coming after them, God protected the people and told Moses what to do. In the whole chapter...the verse the speaks out to me the most is verse 14: [The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still]

Just because things doesnt turn out to be the way we intended or wanted it to be, doesnt mean its bad. Because, remember, Isaiah 55:9 [As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are [His] ways higher than your ways and [His] thoughts than your thoughts]. And also Jeremiah 29:11 [For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.] If you have entrusted your life into His hands, then know this: Your life IS in His hands and He knows what He is doing. We can never fully understand Him as He often works in mysterious ways we cannot comprehend. But we know that it is a fact, that, His plan for us is definitely better than the ones we had planned for ourselves. So trust in Him. It is the only way we can really fully lift up our problems and burdens to God.

The kind of love we have for one another as sisters and brothers in Christ, even if we do not know the person, is not just expressed through actions, but it is connected by the Spirit. So when something happens to a certain sister or brother in Christ, we feel the same sadness, happiness, or anger. Because the Spirit that is in each and every one of us, is the same Spirit. The Holy Spirit. Our God is compassionate and full of emotions. Amen!

Peanuts: Warning! contains nuts

2006-09-09T23:38:00.000+08:00

Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible.
These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods...

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)(Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept
those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm...something must have gotten lost in the translation...)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this...)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

gelled hair

2006-08-31T20:27:00.000+08:00

I dont like gelled hair. Fullstops. Any objections? Overruled.
Next question please.

Unfolding the Rosebud

2006-08-21T23:28:00.000+08:00

Unfolding the Rosebud

It is only a tiny rosebud,
A flower of God's design;
But I cannot unfold the petals
With these clumsy hands of mine.
The secret of unfolding flowers
Is not known to such as I.
God opens this flower so sweetly,
In my hands it will fade and die.
If I cannot unfold a rosebud,
This flower of God's design,
Then how can I think I have wisdom
To unfold this life of mine?
So I'll trust in Him for His leading
Each moment of every day.
I will look to him for His guidance
Each step of the way.
The pathway that lies before me,
Only my Heavenly Father knows.
I'll trust Him to unfold the moments,
Just as He unfolds the rose.

Excuses denied

2006-08-17T18:23:00.000+08:00

you should never use church as an excuse for wasting too much time that you can spend on studying. And you should never use studies as an excuse for not coming to church. We are the ones responsible for both, we are responsible for organizing our time and priorities. If you argue that God gave us wisdom,and thus you conclude you should not waste too much time in church, then you should be doing well in your studies and also coming to church. There are many examples of ppl like that, and they do well in school and spend the same amount of time, or more, in church as you. If you have not been wise in organizing your time, dont blame it on the church. No, spending a whole day in church is not much. Ask those who scored straight As in A levels and those who scored single digits for O levels.
If you have grown weary of church, then there is something wrong in your relationship with God. Or perhaps its just another one of those down times. But that doesnt mean you should stay or dwell in your spiritual lows. What draws you to church, keeps you coming to church. Are you very sure of the reason why you come to church? Or does the reason constantly change? Perhaps you are missing the purpose in coming to church. You may know the standard answer to everything, but having the knowledge doesnt necessarily mean you understand it.

For me, there are 3 main reasons why i come to church.
1.God 2.Fellowship 3.To serve
Sum it up and it just means to be with the whole Body, which consists of Christ, the head, and the body, the people, and im the little tiny cell that has a function and part to play:)
You cant seperate the head from the body...
thus considering the matter of priorities...

God does not help lazy people. I have learnt a hard lesson. But it is not too late. The only reason why i did not do well in school was because of pure laziness and poor time management. Last minute revisions does not help much. It has to be constant. Hope i can catch up in my studies soon.
With God, nothing is impossible.
[PRAYERS x WORK = RESULT]
Realize that i did not put a plus sign, but a multiplication sign instead. Indeed God multiplies our efforts.

[Be faithful in little things that God has entrusted to you]
[Do everything without complaining or argueing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God]

conclusions

2006-08-15T18:54:00.000+08:00

I have dropped Art for O levels.
BOOM!
Yes i know its a surprise.
WHY?! WHY did you drop art! You get an A for it! I think that is a bad choice, you are dropping your best subjects.
I know, but the one subject is taking up approximately 3/4 of my study time. and the rest i spend on the other 6 subjects. I am spending too much time on one subject, just to get an A1. How about the rest of the subjects? What is the point if i score an A1 and get sucky grades for the rest?
cant you score an A1 for art and try to improve on other subjects? its really very wasted you know? You just got to manage your time.
For midyears, i scored an A2. But my other subjects suffered, last minute studying doesnt really help. I scored a 36 for my L1R5 in the end. I spend twice the amount of time on art compared to the total amount of time on all my other subjects. Do you see how time consuming it is?
i strongly encourage u to take art, dun waste the effort u haf put in and also its a sub which u can get A1
i cant, not if i want my other subjects to be good. I have to sacrifice Art, its causing alot of emotional stress on me. I cant keep crying every week because i am so stressed. Besides, if i take Art, my teacher says i have to come to school to do Art on Saturday afternoons. This means sacrificing church time. Otherwise, she says, i must dropped art. (NO WAY will i skip 2 months of SNL and cellgroup) Initially all i was thinking was: [No! i cant drop art! its the only steady subject that i can Ace!] But after an hour of thinking it through and taking lots of things into consideration, i decided that the best would be to drop Art. And right after i decided that, i suddenly felt at peace. Suddenly all the pressure i felt was gone. I felt at ease, and happy actually, that im dropping art. Its like a burden that has been lifted off my shoulders. Even though i have already spent soo much time on it. I only wished i dropped it earlier. I know alot of ppl think that it is not a wise decision im making.
indeed it is not a wise decision. You just have to study harder for your other subjects. How can you be so sure you wont score well for the other subjects?
Because i will be spending tons of time on my Art and only weekends and a few hours at night for other subjects. And i hate to admit it but as much as i enjoy Art, Art also makes me very depressed. And it affects my studying mood. I know my decision now may not seem wise. Lets see my Prelims, then conclude.

[Ecclesiastes 11:1-6]

2006-08-09T01:16:00.000+08:00

1 Cast your bread upon the waters,
for after many days you will find it again.
2 Give portions to seven, yes to eight,
for you do not know what disaster may come upon the land.

3 If clouds are full of water,
they pour rain upon the earth.
Whether a tree falls to the south or to the north,
in the place where it falls, there will it lie.
4 Whoever watches the wind will not plant;
whoever looks at the clouds will not reap.

5 As you do not know the path of the wind,
or how the body is formed [a] in a mother's womb,
so you cannot understand the work of God,
the Maker of all things.

6 Sow your seed in the morning,
and at evening let not your hands be idle,
for you do not know which will succeed,
whether this or that,
or whether both will do equally well.

Although life is uncertain, is doesnt mean that we should do nothing. Everything involves risk. When there are opportunities, seize them, and not play it safe. Of course, it is not asking you to be foolish.By putting our trust and faith in God, we go through adventures in which the experiances we face cannot be taught. Because life has no guarentees, we must always be prepared.
If we keep waiting for the right conditions, then there is inactivity. How then, can anything come out of inactivity? If we wait for the perfect time and place to preach the gospel, opportunities will be wasted. If we wait for the perfect resources and solutions, how then can work be done? If we wait for a perfect church, we will never join. If we wait for the perfect ministry, we will never serve.

Im a treasure

2006-08-04T22:22:00.000+08:00

He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it.
He who started the work will be faithful to complete it in you.
If the trouble you are facing is slowly replacing your hope with despair.
Or the process is long and you are losing your song in the night.
You can be sure that the Lord has His hand on you,
safe and secure He will never abandon you.
You are His treasure and He finds His pleasure in you!
:)

If you want me to

2006-08-02T19:41:00.000+08:00

The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to

Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to You
Then I will go through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When You lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'll never go alone

So when the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the sufferin' Your love put You through
And I will go through the darkness
If You want me to

Sicken hands.blinding darkness

2006-08-02T18:46:00.000+08:00

If you think that you can just pull my darling over to your angelic righters of the gossip bunch, then you are in for a storm. Whatever made you think that you can make the world a better place by brainwashing people, thinking that you have the truth in your left hand and freedom on your right, is a serious mistake. You have fallen deep into the hole others dug for you.And you just had to dig deeper.Finding slugs, worms, dead animals, how interesting and attractive they are, you have never seen them before. A new discovery you say. Then you draw more people in, ensnaring them in the darkness of the earth. The earth is stuck in your fingernails as you dig deeper with bare hands. You eat food with those dirty hands of yours, but in the dark, you are blind to them, you eat the very earth you dig. Worms starts growing in your stomach, you feel sick. But you liked to be sick. You are sick! But you dont care, and you care for the people around you that you fed with those dirty hands of yours. You refuse to wash your hands, claiming that there is bacteria in water too. You refuse to drink, claiming that the water will make your tummy upset. You are so encaged in this world you have created, and you claim it to be freedom. Please, dont drag my darling into your world too...i wont let you!

Loving Him

2006-08-01T20:47:00.000+08:00

When i cried, You gathered the rain clouds to cry with me.
When i looked for a sign, You parted a cloud to show me a star.
A symbol of a prayer answered.
When i looked for you, You cleared the skies and gave me a starry sky.
A symbol of Your love.
What more can i ask?
But my list goes on and on.
And You dont mind.
All You ask for, is my time.
Forgive me Lord, when i said i had no time.
When i spent my time sleeping, daydreaming, stoning.
Forgive me Lord, when i said i am too tired.
When i could have spent every moment worshipping You in everything i do.
How true it is for David to say: For His anger lasts only a moment but His favor lasts a life time.
He truly knew Your heart. I want to be a woman after Your heart too.
Meanwhile, im still a growing girl.
Help me Lord, to mature in You, and not let the sins of this world enter my heart.
[Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control]
i still got plenty of space for improvement. esp self control...

untrodden grounds

2006-07-26T22:15:00.000+08:00

Each blow that you give to me, that is so sweet to me, has a greater impact than i thought it would be. And i receive each blow willingly, as it slowly changes me, another tool that shapes my life. There is something similar with every new change, as apprehensive as i am, it fascinates me as i step onto untrodden grounds.
Holy Spirit guide me with each new step i take...feels like walking on water here with You...

nonsensicals

2006-07-16T16:06:00.000+08:00

[In a world where freedom is used freely,

Nonsensicals on a bowl

there are ppl who will fight for freedom,

i dunno what to say except that last week was wonderful...

But this week is gonna be different.

[stop being so negative]

no im just telling what i feel.

Not that im saying that bad things are gonna happen alright

Im just saying that it wont be as wonderful as last week.

from ppl who gave them freedom.

Talk about changes. So many in just a short time.

Good ones, bad ones, intermediate ones...

These are ppl who misused freedom. The fault is theirs.

Guys have no idea when they affect girls emotionally.bad. good. bad.

Of coz, girls do tend to distort minor stuffs to major.

[Am i talking about myself too? Yeah, guilty here]

Dont blame the ppl who gave u freedom.

Well im learning bout self control recently.

God sure answers prayers fast. He sent me lots of tests. ha...

The devil sure acts fast too. Must be on guard...

Because this is not just about the ppl, its about God.

In the beginning it was fun, it was nice. Then things got scary. The consequences arent jokes.

In actual fact, its God who gave them the freedom,

The joy of the Lord is my strength.

There is no problem to big God cannot solve it.

His grace is enough.

Indeed.

they just failed to see it.

My responsibility. *whines* ... Ok

Things happen. Blame. Fingers pointed.]

and they were made new...

2006-07-07T20:05:00.000+08:00

July 5, 11pm. My work attitude totally changed.
A sudden motivation to do work.
A feeling i have never felt since i came to secondary school.
A sudden yearning to do work, and not waste my time away.
The bad feeling went away, the good has finally came back.
After much praying and petition, a certain peace that can only come from God.
Thank God for the ants He sent me.
Miracle ants. Puzzling ants. Intriguing ants. Shocking ants.
Angelic ants :) To keep me company, to remind me, to motivate me.
[Proverbs 6:6] The one and only verse in the bible about ants.
Thankyou Lord God. Im not gonna be lazy no more.
*(.'_'.)*
:D
:p

Lazy does not = to sleepy ok?
But its still fightable by God s strength.
OoooOOoooo....i feeel so loved!!! >_<

La Rose

2006-07-03T15:48:00.000+08:00

The redness of the Rose has fade away
Drawn by the hand with a single touch
Paled and weak the Rose has swayed
Dead, lying in someone s pouch...

Unauthorized life lessons

2006-06-27T17:16:00.000+08:00

Radical conference is great. Gave me a wake up call to this life i am living. Who exactly am i living for? What am i living for now? What have i been doing? I have drifted from my First Love. Recently closing up the gap that had been in between. I had lost my focus on Him. But He has drawn me back. His arms of security, peace and love, who can resist? He didnt send a love bird this time. He allowed an unpleasent dream instead, then gave me an explanation. Thus taking away a fear that has bound me for a long time.

To my dear Rachel:
Prayers do work, even if you cant see anything happening.
Lives do change, even if you cant see any significance changes.
God is doing something, its just that it might not be the way you expect it to be.
Its the meek and weak, that has great faith in God.
You know you have faith from the way you act in circumstances.
You cant have faith if you dont believe.
You cant trust in God if you dont have faith.
You wont have confidence if you dont trust in God.

MIIV

2006-06-23T00:55:00.000+08:00

Title: Mission Impossible IV
Review: Girl shelters two lil fleecy illegal immigrants. Skinned alive due to microrganisms found on illegal immigrants. Furball found in lungs. Mystery: What is the chemical reaction between the girl n lil fleece?

Here i go again by Casting Crowns

2006-06-20T08:47:00.000+08:00

Here i go again by Casting Crowns

Father, hear my prayer
I need the perfect words
Words that he will hear
And know they're straight from You
I don't know what to say
I only know it hurts
To see my only friend slowly fade away

So maybe this time I'll speak the words of life
With Your fire in my eyes
But that old familiar fear is tearing at my words
What am I so afraid of?

'Cause here I go again
Talkin' bout the rain
And mulling over things that won't live past today
And as I dance around the truth
Time is not his friend
This might be my last chance to tell him that
You love him
But here I go again,
Here I go again

Lord, You love him so, You gave Your only Son
If he will just believe; he will never die
But how then will he know what he has never heard
Lord he has never seen mirrored in my life

deep roots

2006-05-31T18:18:00.000+08:00

the roots are so deep we do not notice
until they are uprooted
then we realize the pain of it all.

as per normal

2006-05-30T17:01:00.000+08:00

I called, You answered
And You came to my rescue
And I, wanna be where You Are...

4/06/06 Sunday: Global Day of Prayer @ National stadium [what time? Anyone know?]
22/06/06 Thursday to 24/06/06 Saturday: RADICAL conference @ COS Marine Parade

And my 2 darling friends.

Study of the falling of Eve into sin

2006-05-16T17:08:00.000+08:00

[Genesis 3:1-7]
Like Eve who was deceived by the serpent by taking her focus off the freedom she had and putting it on the one restriction God had made which is the forbiden tree of the knowledge of good and evil, many of us also have the temptation to rebel like Eve. We have so much freedom, that the moment there is a restriction made, something that we are told not to do, we want to go against it and do it. Sin looks good to us precisely because we know its wrong.
If we focus on His great love for us, we will understand that He only restrict us from actions and attitudes that ultimately will harm us. The restrictions He gives us are for our own good, helping us avoid evil. Same goes for the things that our Pastors and leaders tells us not to do.

Satan tempted Eve by getting her to doubt God s goodness. He implied that God was strict, stingy and selfish for not wanting Eve to share His knowledge of good and evil. Satan made Eve forget all that God had given her and, instead, focus on the one thing she couldnt have.
We fall into sin too when we focus on the things we couldnt have or do than on the countless things that God has given us. Sometimes we have the illusion that freedom is doing anything we want. We have the freedom to walk in front of a speeding car, but we dont need to be hit to realize that it would be foolish to do so.

Eve wanted to be more like God. It wasnt wrong of her to want to be like God. The Bible tell us to be more like Christ. However, Satan misled Eve by telling her to decide for herself what is best for her life and defying God s authority. In effect, Satan told her to become her own god. Self exaltation leads to rebellion against God. As soon as we begin to leave God out of our plans, we are placing ourselves above Him. This is exactly what Satan wants us to do.

Satan tried to make Eve think that sin is good, pleasent and desirable. A knowledge of both good and evil seemed harmless to Eve. People usually choose to do wrong things because they have been convinced that those things are good or alright to do, at least for themselves.

Notice what Eve did: She looked, she took, she ate, and she gave.
The battle against sin is often lost at the first look, the first step towards sin. Thus we must do what Paul says in [2 Tim 2:22] and run away from temptation before its too late.
One of the realities of sin is that its effects spread. After Eve sinned, she involved Adam in her wrong doing. When we do wrong, often we try to relieve our guilt by involving someone else. Like an oil spill in the water, sin swiftly spreads. A guilty conscience is a warning signal God placed inside of us that goes off when we have done something wrong. The worst step to take is to eliminate the guilty feelings without eliminating the cause of sin.

Belief

2006-05-16T15:51:00.000+08:00

And now i know that to have faith in God is to obey Him immediately when the Holy Spirit prompts you. And then wonderful things will happen :) A simple prayer is all we need to say, what is most important is that we believe.

Coz God is bigger than the air we breathe, the world we live. And God will save the day, and all will say, my Glorious! Coz all You ever do, is change the old for new. Jesus, we believe that!

[Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done. -Romans 1:28]

Thats why we must must must never be weary of reading the bible and applying God s words in our lives. Because an idle mind that is empty, invites evil to enter into the mind.

When we have been set free from sin, when a bondage has been broken, we must meditate on God s word and seek Him. Draw near to Him. Fill our minds with His goodness. Because we have been made new again.

[When an evil spirit comes out of a man, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. Then it says, I will return to the house I left. When it arrives, it finds the house swept clean and put in order. Then it goes and takes seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that man is worse than the first. -Luke 11:24-26]

The house here refers to us. If we do not occupy ourselves with God s words,love,goodness and etc, then the evil spirit will occupy us. Perhaps we do not have a habit to read the bible everyday. Then we have to cultivate the habit. Dont ever grow weary of reading the bible. If we ever grow weary, it only means that God s fire in us is dying out. All the more we must read and meditate on His words.

[Blessed rather are those who hear the words of God and obey it. -Luke 11:28]

There is a proper time to listen to Jesus and a proper time to work for Him.

Getting caught up in details can make us forget the main reasons for our actions.

I wont forget the dreams You have put in my heart,
the passion You have given me,

the purpose of Your gifts.

Mary in a Martha world

2006-05-14T20:10:00.000+08:00

Have i been running before You God? Have i been too anxious over things? I said i have put You in charge. Yet i still go my own way, do things according to my own logic, worry excessively. And do things You didnt ask me to do.
Have i been thinking too much, too fast? without You? Way out of Your plans? I thought i knew. but i havent been sure since last month.
Lord, what plans do You have for me? Do You want me to go JC or poly? You know i dont want to go JC coz of A levels chinese exams. But heck what i want. I want to know what You want.
Do You actually want me to take nursing? Or do You want me to take Art? or dancing? To the majority n myself, nursing seems to be the most practical and better choice. But heck what i want. I want to know what You want.
You see, i have been thinking so much. I need to partner with You. I need to slow down and be with You.
[Luke 10:38-42] I need to be Mary instead of Martha.

[In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps. -Proverbs 16:9]
[Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD s purpose that prevails. -Proverbs 19:21 ]
[For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. -Jeremiah 29:11 ]

I believe in myself, I do.

2006-03-12T23:55:00.000+08:00

Im gonna stop blogging till my midyear exams are over. Promised my sister. Have to keep my word. After midyear exams, i will blog once, then i wont blog again till my O levels are over. You are all witnesses to this pact i have made. Reason being, my studies are detoriating...i have to get all distractions out of the way. This includes TV, chilling out with friends and hanging out in town. Gonna discipline myself starting with this March Holidays. Everyday after school must go library study plus do hw till closing time. Coz my room is a horrible environment to study in. heh. Please pray for me in my studies as well as my life[spiritually, determination, discipline, confidence]. I am gonna do whatever it takes to Ace my subjects. Because i believe i can.

21 to 22 April- Mid Year Eng/Chinese Oral
28 April- Midyear exam starts
10 May-Midyear exams over
29 May-O level Chinese Exam

my wrongs

2006-03-08T23:09:00.000+08:00

i tend to leave misunderstandings as they are, for fear of making things worse, for fear of explaining myself, for fear of another newborn misunderstanding.
I tend to walk away from problems, for fear of stepping on a granite, for fear of the consequences, for fear of being hurt.
I thought that misunderstandings would be buried, problems will go away and hurts would be forgotten. I thought that broken friendships will renew itself overtime, lessons learnt would not be repeated, close friends would stay close in heart.
But i was wrong. And im still not right.

new changes and the nonsensical

2006-03-04T22:07:00.000+08:00

What a coincidence. That today during Saturday Noon Life, Ps Daniel talked about something that i wrote inside my last post. Something about keeping a journal.
Anyway, today was rather interesting. Had our first Saturday Noon Life. haha. Everything went quite as normal. Not much difference. Except that after service, its unusual to see the sky so bright. =D
Another major change is that Corban cellgrp has joined i4C cellgrp permanently. Was a surprise for me. But it was a rather nice surprise. I think everyone adapted well to the many changes.
So now cellgrp consists of: Zibing, Audrey, Lynette, Melissa, Karyn, Rosaline, Grace, Yifang, Alexandra, Denise,Eugene, Noel, Sarah, Amanda, Samuel,Vincent, Zi Jian, Jia Yi, Joey, Coco, Rachel, Annabelle.

letting go? or persist?

2006-03-03T22:07:00.000+08:00

When a friend of yours accepts Christ. And then later goes to another church because of distance, or cant come to church because of various reasons no matter what. Do you persist and still try to bring him/her to church, or do you let them go? You continue to pray for the person, yes. Even if there is no obvious result. At least, thats what i think and do. But the question is, do you persist or let them go?
There are 3 standard answers that ppl give:
1. Its all in God s timing.
2. You must learn to let go.
3.Dont give up and persist on.

Option 2 and 3 are both somewhat connected to option1.I love option 3 the most.

People tell me to learn to let go of the person. But what exactly does letting go mean? Its so easy to just say it. But what do you DO? Does letting go of the person means stop asking the person to church? Does letting go of the person means stop troubling yourself in trying to reach or meet the person even if it means failing each time? Does letting go of the person means that your heart will not ache for this new member of Christ who has not yet have a close personal relationship with God? Isnt this like abandoning a new born baby?!
I cant! I cant let go. But i am not really having any progress either. i am tired of calling. but i dun wanna stop.Somehow or rather, you feel responsible for the person you have brought to Christ. is it silly for me to do that? some think so.and its very discouraging. i feel helpless, because i cant do anything but pray...and then life goes on.
I have never ever wanted so much for someone to get to know the Lord.And it just makes you so happy to see your friend accept the Lord and give up idols for the one true God you love.
And then later it tears you down just to see your friend doubting and then [for dunno what reasons] dont come to church nor talk about it anymore..
Most of you know this someone. Its my primary school godbrother, Li Qiang. If you have anything to say to encourage me, pls, try.

[Random:I feel that one of the worse things that one can do, as a friend, is to finger point blame at a friend and said: I told you so.]

blogging

2006-03-01T22:09:00.000+08:00

Why do i blog? A friend asked me.
I replied:
to tell ppl things that i wud want them to know. To encourage ppl the way God has encouraged me through life. to note down random thoughts that might prove to be of importance, to pass time...
before this blog, i had 2 past blogs. all of which i closed down because i found no meaning in them and i was sick of writing them. After that i opened this one. And wrote in a different style of writing, one in which ppl can relate to. And it has encouraged a bunch of my friends, so i continued blogging.

My thoughts:
I have a diary blog in which i write my deepest utmost thoughts and feelings about stuffs. So why do i still keep a public blog? Because, i have to watch what i say. I cant dumbly write down everything that goes through my mind. Somehow or rather, the reader will be affected by what i write. Either i encourage, or i tear down. Unless its just a [what i did today] post. I find no purpose in keeping a public blog if it has no purpose in it. So i did find purpose in blogging. And i thank God that it has encouraged several friends.
For those who never read my past blogs before, you would not recognise it if you were to come across it. Coz my writing style then was very different. Its almost poetry-like. One could hardly make sense outta them. Like i said, i later grew sick of blogging. and i deleted the blogs. I wanted to stop blogging once and for all.
But a friend encouraged me to continue blogging, to write in a different style, to begin to express myself, to open up to ppl, to not be so insecure and reticent. And thanks to the friend, i created this blog, on Jan 13 2005. So, Zhi Wei, thankyou.

[Things a blog reveals: a vague impression of a person s character, the style of speech and language she/he uses, the likes]

peacock eyes

2006-02-24T20:05:00.000+08:00

After much persuasion from Izzy...i allowed myself to be silly. And...ta-dah...peacock eyes -_-
So embarrassing...took it on the MRT...ayeeee....

Sunday is the final showdown...ah...today s dance practice was horrible for me. I got hit twice in the head while dancing and i had to stop dancing. too dizzy to dance. It didnt really hurt. But i felt really dizzy and i lost my sense of balance. Hope everything will turn out well on the actual performance. im so nervous! Who wouldnt be? Its the MM Lee for goodness sake! aiyeeeyah!!!
So i cant make it for bible study.sads.

rejoice!

2006-02-20T20:56:00.000+08:00

Im so happy i could cry.=) sobs! aha! =D
Yay! Firstly, Mandy received Christ into her life! So happy! Now got new sister! Ahh!!! so happy =) Ppl pls pray for her ok? That her parents will allow her to come to church on saturdays.
Secondly, Rachel has a breakthrough in her spiritual life! I am so happy! She has a closer relationship with God now and is starting to hear God s voice. Its a time of rejoicing! The fire is burning in her life right now=) so glad=)

"Fix your thoughts on what is true and honourable and right." Philippians 4:8

When the dark is behind

2006-02-16T21:15:00.000+08:00

exams...exams...EXAMS!!! ARgs...oh God help me. Im so stressed...cant take it...think im stressing myself by being over paranoid...but i cant help it...im so scared. Keep having headaches when im studying, and i have been losing weight. [actually im glad i lost weight] and im still losing weight. The day before i lost 2 kg...then today i lost another kg...
Super busy this year...dancing and exams...and other things...still not doing too well in school...trying my best le...really...but i dunno how to cope..
I dunno if i wanna go NAFA after all...i love art, i do ok in art, and i appreciate art alot...but i dun think im committed to it enough...
I have been aimlessly stoning and i think i know the reason why...

Haha.So Happy!!! My disciple is gonna bring her friend to church for the first time! She finally took that step of faith and asked her friend, even though she was so afraid. Coz that friend once said that Christianity sucks. But her friend actually agreed to come to church for cellgrp and snl! yay! haha so proud of her! Lets hope she accepts Christ...Holy Spirit stir her heart....
I am still praying that my godbrother can come to church...he said he will come at least once or twice a month, but it hasnt been so. sigh. i shant give up. God will provide and watch over him...

Engaging

2006-02-09T20:42:00.000+08:00

Why are things never normal in my life? But i guess if i was given a chance to live a normal life, which is equal to a boring life, i wouldnt want it. In the first place, Christians DONT have normal lives=) Normallity is way past gone since the day we dedicated our lives to live for our Almighty God. God didnt promise us a peaceful and smooth journey in life, but He did promise to give us peace in our hearts and also to guide us in every circumstance.

Went to my first bible study in months. was late for bout 20 minutes. Yea it was good, and interesting.Shall try to wake up every sunday to go. Alarms welcomed.

My primary school teacher has a new baby!!! My exclassmates are going to visit her this saturday. I have 2 choices, one:Go to teacher hse and also see my long time no see exclassmates, two: Go for cellgrp...
Priorities? Or exceptions? decide....

Alas, someone whose choice of speech and character challenges mine. How very pleasent and engaging.. Different interests, sadly.

His whispers

2006-02-02T14:48:00.000+08:00

Okie okie im finally updating agains. Sori lah, busy wif sch work and everything. Then too tired to update during CNY also. Everyday go out visiting, dead tired man. Today im sick so din go sch so can update le. heh.
Anyway, talking about CNY, got something to give glory to God for. Admire her mans. My dear friend promised God that she would give 100 dollars for her tithe after CNY. And so God blessed her with near to 1000 dollars of ang pao money. Wow man. So you see, here is another evidence of God s promise of blessing us more than we can give.=)

Yesterday after sch, i went to visit an art gallery: First Love by Samuel Teo
Its at Scotts Road, Shaw Centre, #04-45/46, http://firstlove.com.sg
Remember Pastor Samuel Teo? His paintings are mainly focused on roses. real nice. His scenery paintings are even better. i got some inspirations from his paintings, so glad i went.
His paintings were all to give glory to God. Thats what i want in my future paintings too. To reflect God s glory and love... i havent even thought of my O level theme yet... time is running out.geesh..

Because of the many things that happened, im afraid of so many things. Because im afraid of so many things, i am afraid to try again. Because i am afraid to try again, history will never repeat itself. Because history will never repeat itself, i will never find out the future.
Unless, im not afraid anymore. In which God s help i will need and His guidence i will heed.

In the darkness in the valley in the secret of the silence
He whispers His words in my ear

2006-01-30T18:41:00.000+08:00

couldnt blog for past week coz couldnt use com. yups.
Okies. anyway, if ur reading this...HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR!!! =)
yesterday s visitation was quite alright compared to the past few years of extreme hot weathers and rainy seasons. This year was fairly sunny and cooling, so quite contented. Only vistited 3 places.

2006-01-19T21:00:00.000+08:00

Today i realized how much i loved my class. 2005 and 2006 will probably be the most unforgetable 2yrs of my schooling life. We are the MOST interesting class. Although there were countless of times my class had issues with almost everything under the sun. And we are the hardest class to teach. And also many INTERESTING things that happened... i realized, that all these things are what that makes this class so special. Coz other classes will nvr be able to experience the things we face. Not for a million years[not that the things r good].
And im really glad im in this class. Most ppl have the mind set that this class is a bad class full of weird ppl. Coz concerning the rules, according to the teachers, we are bad at them.
[Of coz there are guai ppl in our class lah, i din say everybody].
For drama, we got the best actresses im telling ya. And also ppl who DARE to speak out and stand for themselves. Everybody in our class is special in her own way. This class is simply full of surprises.
And i really appreciate the teachers who loved us and arent biased against us. They are awesome teachers. I love my form teachers, Mrs Lucy Tan and Ms Azilah, my chinese teacher Mrs Lim Hong Geok, my new CME teacher Ms Yvonne Ong, my art teacher Ms Goh...and i think dats about all. Oh and also Mrs Wong.
I have no regrets coming to this class. =) This is no ordinary class.

Dharishni, my partner in class, gave this motivational speech in class today. She was splendid! Im so proud of her. And she gave me the inspiration to blog about the above. haha. Been talking to her about Jesus lately...just mentions about Him now and then...and then something weird started happening to her a few days ago...not good.. Its been a long time last i found a friend outside church whom i can really talk to about anything.Someone whom i can trust, share things, hangout and have fun. And now this friendship between Dha n me is growing. Im so glad.=)

2006-01-18T20:56:00.000+08:00

Been feeling so wrong the past week. But now that i have found back my ring, im right again! =) Somehow grown attached to it.Risked wearing it in sch everyday.Dun like to take it off.Scared i loose it again.
School is honestly much different from last year.Love the way it is now. Of coz, i miss Anna and Manfei for leaving Crescent. But i have grown newfound friendships with certain ppl too. =)
I am so NOT NOT NOT doing batik for O levels.Man i hate the wax! tried it today in Art class. Forget it. Im going back to painting.

Random note: I feel so loved!!! Aha! bleh! =) +)

18 days into 2006 already. So far so interesting and adventurous. Good plus bad of coz. Look at the sky! Look at the moon! Look at the stars! Aint His creation marvellous? Look at the electrons around an atom! [not the i can see it] Aint God such an awesome mystery? Woohoo...start opening your eyes to look at all the things around you. Take time to smile n laugh and give thanks to God. He is all around you.

Random note: Stop majoring on the minor. Stop fingerpointing at ppl.

Those who are silent, those whom ppl get irritated at, those who cry out for attention...flying elbows are signs of loneliness, hurt, anger...these are the ppl who needs love. So give. Give when they ask for it. Give when they dont ask for it. Be a healing touch to them. Love them, just as Christ would love His children.
Thankyou, to the ppl who loved me when i was so unlovely: Daniel,Karyn,Cheryl
Thankyou also to: Jerome, Luwi, Kenken,Dharishni[my partner] and my dear cellgrp leader Zibing.

Now i wud like to blog about my bday!!! I love my cellgrp! Thanks i4C for the wonderful surprise. I was indeed surprised=) Had lotsa fun chasing u peeps around and applying cream on ur faces =D. And i will nvr forget the monkey who tried to snatch away my presents. [Yep Lynette, ur not the only one with a monkey on ur bday=D] But it didnt snatch my presents away anyway. I used my bday balloon to chase it away. that lil monkey was very daring though.

pics n more pics

2006-01-13T21:55:00.000+08:00

candid shots:sleepyheads of the class...Manfei took it secretly.Spot me inside.

Awaken and energized!

This is Manfei...my dearest Manny...she left CGS le*sobs*

Art lessons! Love it. =)

confusion thankful

2006-01-09T21:06:00.000+08:00

Oh Lord, when i was so uncertain of life, unsure of everything else. When i wanted to give up on myself and just give it all up. You never fail to tell me You are there. You never fail to send me a msg just to tell me that I am loved by You. When i have been such a horrible child of Yours, when i did things that did not please You, when i had been so disobedient. You never fail to convict me and tell me that You love me and believe in me. I dont understand why do You love me when i have been such a bad child. Yet You still do, and still draw me close to You. Thankyou for never quiting on me, and for always reminding me of the dream You have for me. The road ahead is dark and weary. But I have You. Thus i know im gonna be alright in the end.
The following is a poem i wrote on 16 Dec 2004, it speaks for me then, it speaks for me now:

Sometimes when confusions clouds ur mind
And you cant think straight as you are blind
You reach out for help that isnt there
Cause' the place you are stepping on is bare
You continue to walk straight aimlessly
On the never ending waters faithfully
Staring out at the darkening lake
Unsure of which direction to take
And in this dark serenity
I cried out my heart in self pity
As thrashing waves surrounded me
The darkening lake i could not see
As sudden as the ice clouds came
My life will never be the same
You froze my problems and my tears
and then you knocked away my fears
The haze the fog the storm has cleared
And now i saw what i conquered
Without God i could not have made through
For it was death in spirit, but He pulled me through
He made me strong and gave me sight
And in the dark, He was my light...

I have read n heard of the story bout the bamboo before. But only today, did God chose to speak to me through the story...and I am so amazed...simply touched...

Fern and Bamboo Seeds
One day I decided to quit...I quit my job, my relationship, my
spirituality.... I wanted to quit my life.

I went to the woods to have one last talk with GOD.
[GOD], I said. [Can you give me one good reason not to quit?]

His answer surprised me......
[Look around], GOD said. [Do you see the fern and the bamboo?]
[Yes], I replied.
[When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of
them. I gave them light. I gave them water. The fern quickly grew from the
earth. Its brilliant green covered the floor. Yet nothing came from the
bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo. In the second year the Fern
grew more vibrant and plentiful. And again, nothing came from the bamboo
seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.] GOD said.

[In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed. But I would not
quit. In year four, again, there was nothing from the bamboo see. I would
not quit.] GOD said.

[Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared to
the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant...But just 6 months later
the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall. It had spent the five years growing
roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive. I
would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle.] GOD
said to me.

[Did you know, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots?]

[I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you.]

[Don't compare yourself to others.] GOD said. [The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern. Yet they both make the forest beautiful.]

[Your time will come], GOD said to me. [You will rise high]

[How high should I rise?] I asked.

[How high will the bamboo rise?] GOD asked in return.

[As high as it can?] I questioned

[Yes.] GOD said, [Give me glory by rising as high as you can.]

I left the forest and bring back this story. I hope these words can help you see that GOD will never give up on you.
GOD will never give up on you [Life is not a problem to be solved, but a gift to be enjoyed]

Also i want to give thanks to God for answering my request! Ever since YI Camp and my Dec 19 2005 post on John 16:24, He kept putting the verse into my mind. Its as if He wanted me to ask for something. For those who know me, i dun usually ask for things or buy them unless i need em.[Except for earrings which i buy for fun laughter peace n joy] It was always my sister who keeps asking, which is why she is so blessed. When i heard of her story of her new Handphone,[if u dunno, can ask her, from wad i know,her story has become rather known=D] i really longed for my own hp too coz i had been sharing my mum s hp.

So finally one day in Dec 2005, i said this prayer: [Lord, You said that until now i have not asked anything in Your Name. So, ok. Can i have a handphone too? I dun care wad design as long as its a handphone. No, wait. Can i have a Nokia phone? Coz i only know how to use Nokia phones. And if got camera inside also good. Yup. In Jesus Name i ask and pray, Amen]

And guess what? Last week, as i was on the com, my father came to me and stood beside me.

I look at him, he look at me.

Then he said: Mei,do you want a handphone?

I look at him with my mouth shaped like an O, then i said: Erm, ya ok.

Then he said: Tomorrow night we will go and get you your handphone.

I said: O ok... THANKYOU!!! *grins* [THE END]

So, Thank You God!

2006-01-04T21:53:00.000+08:00

Oh Lord God, I have seen the darker side of me and i am far from being holy. I thankyou for forgiving me each time and for loving me as always. Father God, let 2006 be a year where i will learn to be more self-controlled, more loving, more giving, more matured, more organized, more hardworking, more understanding and more disciplined...help me to flee from sin, and let me be discerning in spirit... But most of all Lord, let me be a tree that bears good fruit... Holy Spirit guide me and teach me in what to do and what i shud not do....

1st day of sch

2006-01-03T18:21:00.000+08:00

first day of school just passed by in draggy hours.
Didnt do much today, except hear teachers talk.
Shucks...i lost my church bag and dance shoes...coz i didnt collect it from my last year s classroom and i tink they threw away le...man oh man...
My partner is Dharishni. She is so funny n nice n weird n emo, just like me! haha. Except she is definitely more disciplined than me.
Geez...O level this year! God pls help me... I cannot afford to slack this year already. Its a miracle i got through to sec 4. Thank God. Must study hard le. Must not disappoint my parents n sister....esp God...
But honestly, im kinda lost...and im feeling lost in my studies...
Tomolo got Art lesson...yea...i love Art lessons....coz when im involved, my mind is only focused on the task, dun need to tink bout anything else. And it gives u a sense of achievement when ur done.And its a sure pass subject.
Man im in hot soup...realized there is alota homework i dun even know existed. Mercy! And help! i dunno how to read my chinese assignments...

new year

2005-12-30T12:53:00.000+08:00

This year is almost over. So much i had learnt. Especially in trusting God for unknown mysteries that i cannot comprehend. But like the bible said: All things works out for those who trust in Him...
And it has been a wonderful year full of lessons and His love...
Next year, i believe, would be a very different year. I dunno wad to expect. All i know is that it will be an eventful year...and that i need Him by me all the time. Cant risk letting our relationship drift apart like i did this year...it costs too much. Wasted so much of my time on other things...but still, no matter how far u r from Him, He always manages to draw your attention. You just cant ignore Him, you cant ignore His love that is so tangible. Even a non-christian can feel His presence. How much more should we, His children, know our Father is there?
I will forever remember the love bird He sent to sing to me in my room when i was feeling desperately lost and unloved by Him. God is simply full of surprises. And He will go all out to show His children that He loves em...

This is a really nice song and flash: http://www.andiesisle.com/icanonlyimagine.html
Go watch it and i hope that it speaks for your heart to God as it did for mine.

Psalm103 + jerming poem

2005-12-28T16:08:00.000+08:00

I thought it was rather nice, so i copied and pasted it here:

All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither
Deep roots are not reached by the frost
-Jerming

Verses frm the Bible the Lord showed me as i asked for forgiveness once again:

Psalm 103

8 The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.

9 He will not always accuse,
nor will He harbor His anger forever;

10 He does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.

11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is His love for those who fear Him;

12 as far as the east is from the west,
so far has He removed our transgressions from us

Christmas!

2005-12-25T22:27:00.000+08:00

i lurve Christmas! Heez* Thankyou all who encouraged me in words and in cards n gifts. Really greatly appreciated. *blow KISS* Ya'll made me feel like a princess =)
And praise God!!! My so-called ex-primary sch brother came to church! Thank God! He accepted Christ last time when he came, which was quite long ago, and was touched by God. But he has been cold...i hope that somehow this Christmas God has stirred his heart...he said he will becoming to church at least once or twice a month,coz his parents dun allow...
...dear siblings in Christ, pls keep him in your prayers ok?
And today was baptism day!!! So happy to see ppl baptized, especially if they are your very dear friends. Amen? hehe. =P Happy Birthday!

John 16:24

2005-12-19T22:39:00.000+08:00

John 16:24[Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.]

after camp

2005-12-18T15:30:00.000+08:00

i got so much to blog about i dunno where to start. First of all, i would like to tell ppl about how great God has been to me. He took away all obstacles which prevented me from going to YI camp and even provided for me everything nicely. I feel so blessed, yet i feel guilty bcoz i didnt wanted to go camp initially, whereas there are ppl out there who wants to go camp but cant go. So 3days b4 the camp, i decided to register, but i thought maybe i'll just go for half the camp or something.
Then God spoke to me during the Ps Dave s first sermon, which changed me and im so glad i came to this camp. Suddenly during the sermon, i was unblinded and i could finally see that God had been blessing me even though i didnt ask for em nor even want them, He just did it for me. His great love simply touched my heart. And I knew that God had a purpose for wanting me to be here, and so i really expected alot from this camp after that. The rest of the camp was awesome. I love my team, Elijah team 1.=)
[Not wanting to be in His presence is the craziest most foolish thing that one can want. By not wanting to come to YI camp, by not coming to church and etc, you are not wanting to be in His presence, because He is gonna be there.]
The last night s high praise was awesome! So was yesterday s SNL pnw. I pray that this hilare praise will not be just an after camp thingy that will die down, and that this will continue on and become part of YI s culture. I thought that YI was already super enthu and on fire, but Ps Dave has taught us to be even more crazy for God.=) Shamo!!!
God never fails to amaze me... and seeing Tammy being able to hear is one of my highlights of the camp. While YI was praying for Tammy, i could feel love and power from all around going towards Tammy. God is great!
Im also very happy and nervous for my little brother, Ken ,who is going to Primary school next year. He is able to speak fluently now.

im back

2005-12-11T17:23:00.000+08:00

yea im back in Singapore! i was so home sick! And i miss my friends!!! Hallelujah man! im back! WoohoooOoOoOOoooo!!!!!!! and im so happy...so very happy....oh i could sing unending songs....
But it was quite fun at Genting. Rather enjoyed thrill rides. Nvr thought i would dare to sit the 20 stories high thingy that would lift you off the seat and come rushing down to the ground at high speed! Woah it was crazy alright. yea crazy....

There is homework to do, calls and decisions to make and so i have to lift my butt off my chair. taa-tah!

abroad in time

2005-12-05T11:54:00.000+08:00

Abroad from 6-11 Dec. Cant welcome back the mission tripers. Sad. And i'll be missing 1 week of cellgrp and nite life. Args! I wont be able to hear the testimonies...sobs...
Oh wells. Time is always against me. Christmas just around the corner. God pls let everyone be in a good mood and let things go smoothly and on time. geez...im nervous.

This page, this harebell laid to rest
Between these sheets, these leaves, if pressed still bleeds
a water colour of the way we are

This harebell holds its own. Lets give it now
in air, in light, the chance to fade, to fold
here, take it from my hand. Now let it go.

going nuts

2005-11-28T16:43:00.000+08:00

Things are going pretty ok for me at the moment.
However, my mind has been giving me some wild ideas. So God sent me a filterer to filter the crazy thots away. Honestly, i think i must be outta my mind as i look back on the wild ideas. Alright, it was just an idea, not really idea-s with an S... Got it from some newspaper article. Well, the idea still seems pretty ok to me, but it drove my big brother nuts when i told him. So i guess it is a crazy idea. =S
[to curious ppl, sorry i cant reveal my wild idea. u might tink im nuts]
come to think of nuts...why does nuts=crazy? i mean, yea, why nuts? Why not caramel, or apple, or some other food or wadeva. [Caramel apple reminds me of Cheryl]
yea...Why nuts?
Expressions ppl use: You are driving me nuts!
Can u imagine nuts popping outta you or wadeva its supposed to picture? geez, pardon me, im pretty nuts about nuts at the moment.
Talking about nuts, i lurve almonds and macadamia nuts! In fact, i just ate choco almond on saturday=) And last year, our mission trip team was called Nuts for God. i was pine nut.Steph was Hazelnut, Karyn was Ginko nut, and there was also peanut,coconut...etc[cant remember]
Just came back from sending the 1st and 2nd flight ppl off to Thailand for mission trip. So sad. will miss my cell ppl and Cheryl too. Was intending to send the 3rd flight off too, but i was so tired le. So i went home with the others.
I made a new friend/brother today, his name is Nicolas from nissi 2 light[i think]from Hillgrove Sec 4. And i got tricked by Nic into thinking that Lora was Flora. In fact, i thot she was called Lola at first, coz i have been calling her dat since i knew her.And she didnt correct me! haha. quite enjoyed hanging out with them today. Coz i came alone and i didnt know anyone else whom i know was coming.AND the time between the 1st and 2nd flight was 3 hrs! So i brought a book which i finished today on the way home on the mrt.
And if im not wrong, James lin just shared the gospel with a young boy my age on the mrt.=)im not sure, but shall ask.coz i dun recognise the boy.but then, i dun know everyone do i? YI has been growing so much, so many unfamiliar faces. I guess thats what YI camp is for too, to get to know our BIG family. This week Ps Song is preaching,rather looking forward to his sermon.

Keep the mission trippers in prayer!

The past haunts me, and it still does. Whoever said that to forget the past means it will never come back. There will still be memories and vague impressions that remains etched in the mind. Sure i have lifted it up to God, and everything is at peace. But does silence=peace? maybe. maybe not. But its all i ask for now.

reaching out in the darkness

2005-11-25T13:59:00.000+08:00

Didnt really accomplish much yesterday in school. only did a little bit of maths and then i fell asleep. Then i realized that later got Art. Coz we sec 3 students are helping the sec 4s to get back their Art pieces from the Art centre where they mark the O level art pieces in Singapore. Saw lots of weird and beautiful art pieces as we secretly looked around while collecting the art pieces to the bus. After that, i stayed on in sch till bout 5+ to redo my batik piece, and also to be my teacher s model for some presentation...me n Atikah had to stay still in this funny running position while she took pictures.
Later i met my sister for dinner. We went to the Fuji Ice skating rink to watch some ice skating competition while eating our Long John Silver s Combo 1 meal. Too bad we didnt get to watch the competition. Coz they introduced all the competitors from 6-8+ and we had to go home. Anyway the competition would be from 24-27 November, so we can go there to watch again. It starts at 6pm i think. I think i shall go swimming today.

the car woosh and day

2005-11-21T18:11:00.000+08:00

Saturday:Had cellgrp at Zibing s hse. I like her hse =) Heez. I ate lots of fishballs and hotdogs. Greedy me.Realized that my sense of direction is rather hopeless when it was my turn to fetch Samuel to Zibing s hse..her sis had to accompany me to lead the way.

Sunday: I lurve my Daddy in Heaven! He answered our prayers and chased away the rain clouds for us =) pretty much enjoyed carwashing fundraising. i love the stretch of the muscles and the tired state i end up in. Then i can go home and lie dead beat on my bed. Honestly, im glad there is gonna be carwash again next week. I just love the dirty tiring job =)

Today: Took MRT to school wif my sis today, my sis goes for lessons and work at TTS hospital. Did homework at school library from 0850 till 1340. I amaze myself. lol.. Ken is at grandma s hse, so i dun need to take care of him le. I love the weather today! =) SO cooling and windy, just the way i like it. Just like Thailand s climate.

sleeping volcanos

2005-11-18T21:11:00.000+08:00

There are some issues which are meant to be sleeping volcanos.
Im not sure about this statement. Coz one can agree and reason about it and vice versa.
Why did i use sleeping volcano as a metaphor to refer to some issues? Apparently, there are some issues when left alone, does not pose a problem. But when brought up, becomes dangerously eruptive.
Yet one can argue that it is better to bring out the issue and solve it instead of letting sleeping dogs lie. Bcoz the issue is still there and sooner or later might develop into something worse. But then again, it might not.
The question would then be: whether to ignore the issue and accept it, or try to find a solution which would result in some unpleasantries.

Of coz the best would be to pray and listen for the Holy Spirit s voice. Which would always have the best results. Duh. Of coz. Geez...i know that we should always listen to the Holy Spirit s voice... And i have experianced His goodness and seen His glory... But sometimes I just cant hear His voice. Perhaps i was impatient and expected a reply straightaway. But i realized that at the times i cant hear His voice, it is when im being very emotional and worked up, and sometimes angry. I learnt too, that one has to be silent and still in thoughts as well as literally, otherwise you might miss that little voice that is waiting to speak to you. I mean, how can He speak to you if you have so much things clogged up your head that you cant keep focused on Him alone? Exactly. im too clogged up now. wad to do wad to do. frustrated.

bye mum, hello brother

2005-11-17T11:46:00.000+08:00

Tomolo my mum is going abroad till 3rd december...which means i have to take care of my little brother everyday except for weekends, coz my father and sis wont be at home. It will be a new responsibility for me. Honestly im not too excited about it coz it means dat i have to stay home all the time and i have to bring my brother with me if i intend to go out. Moreover, i need to go to school library the whole of next week from 0830-1230 for lessons.I think im bringing him to sch wif me.Not sure if the sch allows. Hope he wont be noisy, but he will be at the library watching VCDs anyway. The only problem would be waking him up in the morning at 7am, in which i have a problem with waking up too.
Donations of alarm clocks are welcomed.Thankyou.Wakeup calls would be much appreciated too.

cycle

2005-11-10T16:37:00.000+08:00

When year after year the same things happen, the same kinda ppl, same kinda situations. You tend to think that its all a huge big cycle. And there is this growing desire in you to break out of it. And as this desire grows, the determination, to do whatever it takes, also grows. And finally when you break out of this cycle in a new light, you find out that everything is a huge mass of mess. But despite the mess, you are just satisfied anyway.
Coz you just got outta that mess and there are so many different roads and paths to take, different ppl to meet, different situations to face. You are uncertain of what lies before you, but you just like the difference because its different. Thats why.

sick

2005-11-10T12:18:00.000+08:00

[itchy itchy ..scratchy scratchy ..up and down...ahem...]
Args..cant stand em...cant stand em!!!
[i wonder how, i wonder why, yesterday you told me bout the blue blue sky..
and all that i can see, is another itchy me....i wonder! i wonder! ]
i look like some diseased red hot lobster! *grumble*

Reply to taggies:
Lynette: thx dearie. All the best for your O levels!
Angel: heehee! loving my angel already! aha...i may know hu u r? hmm =)
Rachel: Really? then that makes it all the more nicer! =) So nice of Mr God to send one to me!

changes n dan

2005-10-31T16:01:00.000+08:00

So many things to change. Hope there is enough time. Starting and working already. Kinda like the results. Will do more-little by little changing and editing my story. Hope the Big Boss is pleased. I do want to please Him and make Him happy. He has been helping me so much, dun wanna disappoint Him. I only pray that i have enough determination to discipline myself. Its always better to discipline yourself than to wait for someone or something to discipline you. A new life seems to be unfolding itself. New sight, new touch, new feel, new ways and choices...

dots -_--

2005-10-27T21:09:00.000+08:00

Un tiempo del cambio ha llegado. Yo no estoy listo todavía. Más como yo no está realmente dispuesto a ser cambiado. Mi estilo de vida entero, mis actitudes, mis hábitos. ¿Mis amigos. ..i no está seguro. ..maybe mi círculo de amigos tiene que cambiar también?

love

2005-10-24T19:28:00.000+08:00

I cried out to Him:Show me Your love Father.I want to touch and feel and hear You...
And He showed me this: A little lovebird flew onto my window grill.I froze.I whistled. The little lovebird flew into my room and perched itself on the window blinds and looked at me.I whistled a merry tune for a long moment.I kept still. Till i could no longer hold onto the thrill, i made a move to call Cheryl. I scared it i guess, and it started to fly around my room. Finally it found its way out. Twitter goodbye.

[Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, His love endures forever]

nice thoughts

2005-10-18T23:06:00.000+08:00

Recently, really came to treasure the ppl around me. Especially my old friends whom i sort of abandoned for a long period of time. Love them loads...i really appreciate the fact that they accept me as I am and love me despite my unperfections. Also the not so new but still considered new friends whom God has put in my life to change me.
This year, time flew quite fast. Maybe its because of the frantic schedules and etc...
Perpective of things and life has changed, also my expectations and priorities.
Was thinking about Ps Daniel s sermon. Come to think of it, all the fruits of the spirit are connected to each other. Without love there can be no joy, without joy there can be no peace, without patience of coz there is no peace. Without kindness there is no goodness and vice versa. And with no goodness there is no faithfulness. Without love,peace,kindness,patience, there is no gentleness. Without all the fruits of the spirit, there is no selfcontrol either. So in order to have one fruit of the spirit, you need another. So in the end, all is needed. Just like the body of Christ...

Ask God

2005-10-17T03:24:00.000+08:00

Ever wondered why after reading certain books, or certain movies, some people can feel God s touch while some dont? I guess maybe God has a different message for everyone. Time to ask God again.

dunno

2005-10-17T03:12:00.000+08:00

Forbidden pleasures
Who makes the rules
Unfound treasures
And beautiful jewels

impulsive me

2005-10-12T21:54:00.000+08:00

i zhi[4] zhao[3] ma[2] fan[2]???
ya i think so too.. =S
Dunno why im always doing things i will regret later.
Always giving in to my sudden illusions impulsively.
Somebody knock my head please[no not literally]

cheryl n me!

2005-10-12T20:34:00.000+08:00

This is Cheryl, my ever so loving, funny, cute, encouraging and beautiful friend.
Heez, hope u dun mind me putting up our neoprints, Cheryl. =)
She is so photogenic aint she? [nods]
Been friends since we were toddlers in Church of Singapore[Jurong].
I still have that toddlers class picture in my cupboard somewhere...so funny...little Cheryl and little Rosaline, still got other ppl inside. Like Lynette, Samuel Wong, Josephine n her brother Joshua, James Tan, Reuben, Philemon, etc...
Now we are all teens le.Half are in YI, the other half not in YI. Some disappeared.
Amazing how time flies and how ppl change.

changes

2005-10-11T23:04:00.000+08:00

Come Holy Spirit fall on me now
I need You anointing
Come make Your hour
I love You Holy Spirit
You have captivated my heart
And everyday i grow to love You more...

So much changes lately...hope i can adapt to them soon.
Which means i have to change to adapt...
Do i really have to?

Good Morning Holy Spirit

2005-10-07T19:02:00.000+08:00

Im only on the 4th page, and already i feel the presence of the Holy Spirit. Its as if i can feel the pleasure of the Holy Spirit because of what I was reading. And as i read of the Holy Spirit coming upon Benny Hinn in the book [Good Morning, Holy Spirit], i could feel the Holy Spirit coming upon me. My heart started beating rapidly and i began to shake, my eyes were at the verge of tears. Yet i had to control myself, because i am on the MRT -_-...
At that moment, all i wanted to do was to cry out to God on my knees. His presence was overwhelming...and i am only on the 4th page of the book.
Even through a book, the presence of God that was upon Benny Hinn, is also present and powerful to those who read the message God has given Benny. I highly recommend this book. It will change your life.

2005-10-06T20:01:00.000+08:00

I tink Ps Daniel is so right when he said that teenagers are always high one moment, and low the next.
Anyways, this week has been a really stressful tight week. Yet it is this week that His love swept through me again and gave me new light.
I really wonder why does He loves us people so much. I mean, hey no matter how many times we disappoint Him or sin, He still loves us an forgives us. He simply loves us, no questions whatsoever. Just like a Father and His little children...

Who am I by Casting Crowns

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

*Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

*I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

[* *]

I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear'
Cause I am Yours
I am Yours

haiku

2005-10-05T22:10:00.000+08:00

Hurray and good bye
my soul lullaby...
Soon be replaced
by the love of His grace...

-just a sudden short phrase dat floated itself to my thoughts

exam fever

2005-10-05T21:50:00.000+08:00

puffy eyes
pimple outbreak
darkening eyebags
trance
head throb
indigestion
.
.
.args
.
exam fever

Thank God for peace

learning to walk

2005-10-04T20:21:00.000+08:00

The exams are getting to me... pardon me for my attitude and silence...
Well, He gave me a message today on why.
Coz im depending on other things more than Him.
I guess He wants me to stop depending on them. He gave me a choice, time is running out.
Guess im making the choice now. A little late perhaps, to my regret.
He didnt take em away from me, not really. He wants me to give em up to Him.
I dunno...but i guess I will do it. I dun want to. Its really hard.
But im out of control.So I have to abide by His little Voice...
Been really naughty and caged up.
Clinging on the His Big hand, i learn to walk again.

----

2005-10-03T22:30:00.000+08:00

i have absolutely no idea why...
what exactly happened...
i only i know i hate this feeling...
extra energy produced...
everything else is a blur...
i need to do something...
i need to use this...
too much out of now where...
where and why...
Oh God oh God...

The battle is not ours

2005-10-02T14:50:00.000+08:00

Tell me why
I dont understand
Tell me why
Or show me Your hand
Tell me why because I cant see my way well.

The battle is not ours
we look to God above
For He will guide us safely through
And guard us with His love

I will not be afraid
I will not run and hide
For there is nothing I cant face when God is by my side...

pet

2005-10-02T10:57:00.000+08:00

adopt your own virtual pet!

caution.

2005-09-30T19:01:00.000+08:00

slept at about 4am last night to finish up my art.
Thank God i bought coke yesterday, so at least got caffine in the morning to keep me going for my English paper. Finally Art Paper I is over, now getting ready for paper 2.

Appendix started to hurt as i was walking home.I think coz i havent ate anything the whole day besides drinking coke and oat drink. Exams the whole day till 4pm, how to eat? Stomach feels weird now, coz i just finished 3 curry puffs.dats my dinner. [no im not on a diet, just nothing nice to eat]

Still trying to get used to the changes.Many a times im tired of trying. Sometimes i just forget. Life goes on.

gross art

2005-09-29T17:51:00.000+08:00

Args! Art exams tomolo. Trying to finish up my sketches and exploration in distorting the fishy and spanner.
How?! i think they look horrible!
Im gonna drop sketching the skeleton of the fish. They are too gross to look at. I might vomit a few times b4 finishing the sketch of the skeleton IF i tried sketching it.

my awful fringe

2005-09-29T17:01:00.000+08:00

Yes yes...i know i know...i look disgusting dont i?
yea anyway, Gracie u finally can see/saw me with my fringe down.
Peeps out there, now u know why i always pin up my fringe whenever i go.
Coz it looks awful=S did i tell u i cut it myself? yea i did. dats y. end of story.

pics

2005-09-26T23:11:00.000+08:00

Thankyou God for Zibing who kindly lent me her camera to take my Art pictures for a week.here is one of the gross pictures i took of my art fish

I shall spare you the other gross pictures. Then i started playing with the cam.

My sis and her stars in her room

this is my darling Booboo. Aint his big butt cute? I tink so.

His words

2005-09-24T21:59:00.000+08:00

spokesmen+
Jeremiah 15:19+
turn to you, not you to them+
Be opened+
Mark 7:34+
Ephphatha+
Deaf hear, mute speak+
Overwhelmed with amazement+
=?????????????????????????

You did not chase me, instead You have waited for me.
You did not turn away, instead You watched me and took care of me.
You did not despise me, instead You forgave me and filled me with Your love.
You did not ignore me, instead You comforted me and took my hurts away.
You did not leave me, instead You supported and encouraged me.

Taman negara

2005-09-23T19:35:00.000+08:00

Today during geog lessons, we were learning about blah blah blah...and Taman Negara was mentioned. oh man i miss that place.visited that place last December. Despite the brown waters, the mosquitoes, the leeches...and goat faeces, i encountered wonderful experiences there that i would never forget.
Below is a photo of the bats that are hanging down from the cave. We climbed down below ground level into this bat cave. it was complete darkness, but we had flashlights. The whole cave ceilings were covered with black moving dots. On a closer look at the cave wall inches above my head, i realized that they were bats! Eeek!!! The cave floor which i thought was muddy, was actually bat s faeces. Urg!!! Anyway, i kana bat shit on my back in the process. =S
Anyways, the highlight of the trip besides the bats was my mum. let me tell u y =)
there was this rock that we had to slide down to another part of the cave. Everyone slid down the rock by squatting down. Apparently, my mummy thought it would be easier to sit down and slide down. Unknowingly, the rock was covered with shit. So she cleaned the rock in the process and go ther shorts stinking with shit. Its not a nice smell.

Gua Telingga is one of the famous caves in Taman Negara. The atmosphere in this cave is damp, dark and harbours a multitude of life forms such as round leaf bats and race snakes.

Below is an Orang Asli man, they are the BATEK group. The man is using a blowpipe to shoot something, and he rarely misses.
Once again my mummy is so funny. She tried to blow the blowpipe too. But ends up laughing and coughing into it coz my Papa kept laughing, so she also laugh. =D

We also had Rapid Shooting which was really lovely. Here is a pic of it, notice that the waters are rough. So when the boat becomes really fast, we all get bumpy rides and splashes. No one will be left dry. Waha. SO FUN!!! =) Just ignore the brown water

Then below is a picture of the Canopy walk.

As we sail by and by...what a beautiful place

anyways, we found out that 2 weeks before we came, because of the Tsunami, Taman Negara was flooded. So when we got there, the place was just starting to return to its normal state. Some houses were destroyed, boathouses were on the hills or somewhere else, mud covered the leaves of the treetops.

keke. shall stop my rantings now.

stop blogging?

2005-09-23T19:29:00.000+08:00

im deciding on whether i should stop blogging...should i? or not?
If i stop blogging, i wont be deleting this blog, i will just stop posting new entries.

prayer of destruction

2005-09-23T19:03:00.000+08:00

I prayed a prayer of total destruction
soon the things i least expected would unfold
I prayed a prayer, oblivious to the seriousness it holds.
Thats soon to make my future and change the present to past, behold!
I prayed this prayer out of desperation
somewhere in the spiritual realm, an undetected change starts brewing.
I prayed my prayer thats soon to change me
Not tomorrow, not soon, but yesterdayS ago
I said:
[Father, if You must, break me so that You can mold me according to Your will. If there is anything hindering me from You, Father i ask that You take it away. Because all i want is You.]

How i have forgotten when i last prayed that prayer months ago. Now i have prayed it again.I cannot turn back now for the words have left my mouth. I asked and prayed, but yet i fear. I do want to please You Lord, yet i am afraid. Father help me to trust in You, for i know You are my potter and i put my faith in You. I didnt expect to be broken again, ruined, torn apart, chaotic destruction...true, i dont enjoy it at all. But i know that You will make something good out of my broken pieces again...just as always.

[When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust]-Psalm 56:3,4
[May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.]-Romans 15:13

SOS art

2005-09-21T20:26:00.000+08:00

*stutter stutter* args! *pulls hair* *buries face in hands*
*waves arms frantically around* oh no!!! *faints*
Only 9 days left to art exams!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And i havent even started on my paper 1 and 2 yet.
Which means i have to do 10 pages of course work!!!!
I just thought of my paper 1 theme yesterday and my paper 2 theme today!
OH no....God pls help me to do finish everything on time.
Oh Lord give me the quick hands and inspiration to draw and sketch whatever.
Lord pls let me score 2 A1s for my papers.
Calm down...calm down.
I have to start sketching 1 and half A3 size paper a day! and still need time to try out final piece. args!!!!!
cool it...cool it....
*stares blankly into space and plops on bed*
SOS....-_-...SOS....-_-

guilt striken

2005-09-21T20:09:00.000+08:00

Lord, You search and You know me
You see me inside out God,
You alone can forgive me
Erase my fear and my doubt
Lord help me not be distracted.
Lord help me focus on You.
Keep sin from ruling my life Lord.
Make me more like you.
Father i need You so much...
Forgive me for grieving You...

rach's hse

2005-09-19T20:59:00.000+08:00

Went to Rach s house to study on 8 september. Ended up playing with those bubbles~!!!

This is me in the bobble!!!

This is rach in the bobble!!!

Rach secretly took me as i was trying to seal a hole with a kiss!!! *ugh*yuck*

Have to study now, tah tah!!!

traumatic day

2005-09-15T19:22:00.000+08:00

Traumatised by this morning.
Args! It was horrible, if i ever catch that guy, i will personally chop him into pieces!
Thursday morning 6.20am, sitting on my bed packing my bag.
Happened to glance at my translucent window next to my bed.
Saw a guy s face pressing against the glass.
I screamed hell outta me and slammed the window with the face on it, thus scaring that pest.
Saw him duck down where i cant see him, moments later took his bag and ran away.
I didnt see his face clearly as my window is translucent, and i locked my window.
That pest clearly shocked me and scared daylights outta me. I was traumatised for the rest of the day. Gonna cover the bottom windows with black paper, so no one can peep in again. Actually they are not really windows coz they cant be opened, only the upper windows can be opened.
Bet i frightened him too...lol...looks like he wont be looking into ppl s windows for awhile. Evil peeping toms...
Whoever that peeping tom was, it had better not be a prank. I know of some jokers who actually WOULD wake up early just to scare ppl...

pretty ugly

2005-09-14T20:44:00.000+08:00

[Shouldn't fear and discouragement be the least of your worries at this point?Doesn't God know the heart of Man more than Man himself?]-timmy

I guess what we as christians really need to do, is to trust God fully. God forgive me for the time i forgot You were in charge and i allowed fear and discouragement into my life. I have already decided to be a God-pleaser instead of a man-pleaser a long time ago. And i would say that yes it is hard because there would be alot of things the devil purposely put it in your way. And sometimes, i realized, that you cant please man if you want to please God. And, i also know, that all things work out well in the end if it pleases God.
Today at school was pretty ugly for me. -sense the irony- over

dance

2005-09-10T23:03:00.000+08:00

You are wonderful, You are WONDERFUL!!!
My God is an awesome God He reigns in Heaven and Earth
In Wisdom, Power and Love. Our God is an AWESOME God...
I love You!!!...I really really love You!!! Wahahaha...
The joy of the Lord is the best joy ever!
Thank you for proving to me that i shouldnt worry so much
nor doubt what You have put into my heart and soul.
Lord of the dance, dance with me!!!
I find joy only in dancing for You, Jesus.
I dont care what people may say about me spending time dancing with You instead of studying. Because You are worth dancing with than studying. Because i get to spend time with You that is worth so much more than getting worldly grades that ppl long after. Beautiful moments that i will never forget. The feel of Your touch that i will always remember even when i am old and cannot dance. And as i follow Your lead as You guide me on the dance floor, there is only You and me. Suddenly the world and its troubles all fade away and all i have is You in my mind, my heart, my spirit, my soul. As much as i love singing praises and worshipping You, I love to worship and please You by dancing. Why dont ppl see dancing as a way of worship too?

PD

2005-09-10T01:38:00.000+08:00

[dunno what the fruits are, but I'm commiting that to God. After all, its His story... I'm merely the pages of the book He's writing.]-Jerming

Its a wonder sometimes when we say we trust God, but still worry.And the Bible did say [Do not worry] and [Do not be anxious]. I guess i have to learn to trust God fully and commit myself fully to Him. After all, He is in charge of me and i have put myself into His charge. And so i dun need to worry right? I will try to do that. And i realized, the devil doesnt like that either. When im not worried about something, ppl wonder why im not worried, like whether i got a heart anotz. oh wells. Lord i lift up my life unto You.

evie

2005-09-05T01:21:00.000+08:00

If you wanna know how evil my sister is, go look at her blog. She posted my photo with an evil caption. Hmph!!!

2005-09-04T23:13:00.000+08:00

[ The Lord protects the simplehearted; when i was in great need, he saved me]Psalm 116:6

[He who loves a pure heart and whose speech is gracious will have the king for his friends]Proverbs 22:11

[A prudent man keeps his knowledge to himself, but the heart of fools blurts out folly] Proverbs 12:23

Sometimes, things which are so beautiful in God s eyes, end up ugly in man s eyes.
Sometimes ppl forget that its not about them, its about God.
Its not about quantity, its about quality.
Its not through our eyes, but through God s eyes.
Its not about what we think, but what God thinks.
Its not that complicated, its just that simple to God.
Its not that an explanation is needed, it just that there is no explanation needed.
Not about what we want, but about what is pleasing to God.
Not about what we need, but about trusting in God s providence.
There is never a reason to disobey God, no matter how trivial the case is or how reasonable the reason is to you.

A day start with God is always so wonderful. Being recharged with the love of God is important, so that you can face any challenges dat comes your way. No matter what things you faced in later parts of the day, you know that He is there for you. And He is faithful to guide and comfort u when u are sad or lost.
About today....i woke up at 3pm and thought it was saturday. So i thought: Oh no! Im late for cellgrp!
Then i realized, eh , my sis is still here. So i asked her if it was Sunday or Saturday. and..ya u know the answer. Im just so blur cans.