- at Jesus's feet -

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Strengthen me Lord, im not even a quarter through and already im growing weary.
You gave me a mind that thinks alot. But what i think is nonsensical, foolish and confusing to others. I do not think what they think i should think. And i think about what others dont think i should think. Thing is, often, i cant remember my thoughts. Why do i feel like my brain is like a messed up storage room? I subconciously hide the things i dont want to see. When i look for them, i cant remember. But when im not looking for my things, they just show up suddenly. Sounds like my room.
I dont like sharing my thoughts. It makes me feel vulnerable. But i feel i am obliged to. Accountable to everyone around me. Affects everyone around me. I used to be able to hide and control my emotions. What happened Lord? You dont want me to hide my emotions? But if i let them show, isnt it not controlling my emotions? I know, I know...i should hide and control the negative feelings. But is sadness, disappointment, being upset, negative? Depends on the situation? True...
Lord, why did You tear away my hard shell? oh, right, i asked You to do that didnt i. I dont know Lord. It leaves me so vulnerable. Which makes me depend and hide under Your wings even more. No, i dont regret that. It is better to be under Your wings than in my shell. Not to be negative, but i dont think im doing so well either... Im affecting people around me with my emotions.. Oh dear, im like complaining now arent i? Abit? I think is alot...sorry
Geez, i guess im just complaining coz the lessons are tough. How exactly did u make it through this world? Amazing. guess i just have to learn step by step to handle my emotions and feelings and thoughts. Nope, i dont want my past life. I dont want to look back. Its a dark mess back there. guess im just scared of the unknown.
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Take my Hand and walk where i lead
Keep your eyes on Me alone
Dont u say why were the old days better?
Just because you re scared of the unknown
So take My Hand and walk...
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Just when i want to hide all my emotions, He makes me write them all down and post public.

free to dance
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
...Rossy...**